Four Laws of Communication

I am sure that we are all aware that the keys to a successful relationship is communication. We usually get along best with the people that understand us the most. Communicating our thoughts and feelings is important in order to understand each other. When we learn to communicate our deepest thoughts, needs, feelings and frustrations, our expectations are clarified and problems are solved. God models communication for us in His character and His Word. God’s rules of communication are expressed in four basic commands in Ephesians 4:25-32.

Let’s start with the first one. Stop lying and start telling the truth {Eph. 4:25}. We might say that we really don’t lie. But think about it. When someone asks how you are doing, how do you usually answer? Well most of us will say “We are fine” when we really aren’t. Why do we do that? It could be that we feel no one is really interested in what we have to say. I actually tried it out once. Normally I will say I am fine when I really am not. So one day someone asked how I was doing and I said not so good. The person didn’t know what to say and looked physically uncomfortable. I just walked away at the time. Do you know that people really don’t know how to handle it when someone tells them how they really feel? What we need to do is when someone says they are ok maybe we should say “How are you really doing?” Let’s care enough to ask others.

The second one. Keep current {Eph. 4:26,27}. It clearly states that going to bed angry with each other is a sure way to allow the devil to drive a wedge into your relationship. Remember anger that is not dealt with is anger that will pop up later on. Initiating reconciliation is the responsibility of both parties involved. So don’t let the sun go down on your anger. The sooner the issues are dealt with the better.

Here is the third one. Tackle the issue, not the individual. {Eph. 4:29, 30}. Cutting words are to be put off and in their place we must express words that builds up the other person. In Proverbs 18:6 it says “A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calls for blows.” We all know that one cutting remark leads to another. Sometimes it is very hard for us to stop, especially when someone has hurt us. Communication than ceases and character defamation often develops, destroying the respect and love we have for each other. We need to learn to be an example to others. The way we talk affects the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives and the lives of others.

Here is the last one. Pro-act, don’t react {Eph: 4:31,32}. To be kind, tender hearted and forgiving means that we need to be understanding the frustration of what the other person is feeling. That is not always easy to do, but such an important factor in a relationship. When someone lashes out at you take a step back and realize that it is not against you but the frustrations in their lives. Take the time to find out what is going on. I am not saying that the other person is always right. But I have found that when a person is angry it is not always toward the person they are angry with, but that there is an underlying reason. The bottom line is we become what we communicate, so let’s learn to speak the truth with love and grace.


Paula W. Thomas, BMHC

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